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| Remorseful |
noun1.
an angry rebuke or reprimand.
"she'd get a scolding from Victoria"
adjective1.
angrily rebuking or reprimanding.
"a scolding glare"
scoldskōld/
verbgerund or present participle: scoldingremonstrate with or rebuke (someone) angrily.
"Mom took Anna away, scolding her for her bad behavior"
Here's an interesting graphic that shows the use of scolding over the eras - I find it really fascinating to note the dips occur during surges of liberalism - Notably peaking during the Victorian period and dipping during the Roaring 20s, Peaking again during the 40s, then falling off Post-Feminism (and fathers) in the 70s. It was nice to see a slight resurgence during the early decade of the Millennium, but not surprisingly, it has again begun falling off with the rise in social activism and anti-establishment. To my mind, this is when it's needed MOST.
The Reason
If you're a brat like me (or the minder of one!) this post is designed to help encourage the understanding of why scolding is so critically important to the overall environment of Domestic Discipline.
As I mentioned earlier this week, after decades of trying to find the missing piece, I realized that it's the humility that results from being made to feel "bad" (naughty bad) that is the whole reason I'm a spankophile in the first place.
Sure, a stinging and swollen red behind is a great motivator, arousal maker, nerve calmer and security inducer; but, that is only half of the equation. It's hard to take a lengthy spanking, even for those of us that know we need it. Spankings hurt, as they should. But most of the bad rap DD gets is from those that don't understand how discipline is really supposed to make a spankee feel.
For me, if I'm being spanked or have just been spanked and I'm feeling resentful ...
... If I'm being spanked or have just been spanked and I"m feeling remorseful ...
- Now, if I'm feeling the first way instead of the second way, then, sadly, you've just wasted our precious time together and likely dropped me from whatever amazing space you'd built earlier in the day.
And, as far as I see it, with DD the whole POINT is that it's a lifestyle. All the time it's the dynamic and rule of law that the two of you share. Real life gets in the way as I've so often discussed on here, but that's why it's all the more critical that the Tamer maintain the environment for himself and the brat he's attempting to tame.
Just a quick aside here, too, if you've got a brat like me?
Whatever you do on God's green earth do NOT act like nothing happened after you spank her and do NOT do anything "nice" for her - whether she's feeling remorseful (you'll just mess up the authority and "uh oh" you've built) or, especially, if it was a bad session and she's feeling resentful (that's just going to add insult to inury!). This mental "space" takes time to build. Just as if you were building a trust in a new friendship. Only consistency and continuation can create it.
It will vary from brat to brat - just as we have differing tastes in food we have differing tastes in what makes us feel like bad, slutty little girls that need to be taken in hand ... a lot.
I can only speak to what works for me (as did just this morning, thank you very much!) but you can tailor your brat's needs by first speaking to her and asking her what makes her feel remorseful vs. resentful during a spanking; and, next, by working hard to attain that environment in your every interaction.
Not only will your every single effort at taming and creating the environment that is most conducive for YOU be built upon and beneficial, but, trust me, she will very soon be wanting *other* things from you - things that will let you know how very much your attention (and provision of the one thing she cannot get anywhere else), is appreciated.
REAL Punishment Spankings vs. General Lifestyle
General lifestyle environment means nurturing that receptive state of remorse for your rules and discipline. Without having done this first, real punishments can be trust breaking and will generate exceptional resentment.
Sure, a stinging and swollen red behind is a great motivator, arousal maker, nerve calmer and security inducer; but, that is only half of the equation. It's hard to take a lengthy spanking, even for those of us that know we need it. Spankings hurt, as they should. But most of the bad rap DD gets is from those that don't understand how discipline is really supposed to make a spankee feel.
For me, if I'm being spanked or have just been spanked and I'm feeling resentful ...
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| NO way SHE feels punished |
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| This girl DEFINITELY is resentful |
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| What resentful during a silent spanking looks like... |
- It's because I was "silently" punished
- It's because I was just *informed* I was going to be spanked and all you said was how YOU feel about it; or, worst of all,
- It's because I was grabbed and pushed into position and punished *cold* - without any mental preparation or reasons why I should do anything other than fight it
... If I'm being spanked or have just been spanked and I"m feeling remorseful ...
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| Oh yeah, she's remorseful |
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| She's absolutely remorseful for having gotten in trouble! |
- It's because your tone has the appropriate level of disapproval and "oh boy you're going to be sorry now"
- It's because you've made SURE I know that *I* earned it and that *I* deserve it so I'd better stay in position and take it "or else"
- It's because you've said things like: "Now you're going to learn" or "You're going to find out what happens when _________" or "Don't you ever _____________/If I ever catch you ______________", or ANYTHING "scoldy" like that during; or,
- It's because you've fostered an environment where even a quick thigh smack or threat or look makes me feel like the punished brat I'm supposed to be.
- Now, if I'm feeling the first way instead of the second way, then, sadly, you've just wasted our precious time together and likely dropped me from whatever amazing space you'd built earlier in the day.
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| Resentment |
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| Remorse |
And, as far as I see it, with DD the whole POINT is that it's a lifestyle. All the time it's the dynamic and rule of law that the two of you share. Real life gets in the way as I've so often discussed on here, but that's why it's all the more critical that the Tamer maintain the environment for himself and the brat he's attempting to tame.
"brats" used to get a bad rep. It was said that we were SAMs (Smart Ass Masochists) but that was NEVER what it was about. "brats" need to feel more than physically punished (any brute can do that). The likeliest reason is we will take spanking upon spanking and still mouth off or disobey an hour later because we don't feel remorseful from the discipline.
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| Resentment or Remorse? |
Just a quick aside here, too, if you've got a brat like me?
Whatever you do on God's green earth do NOT act like nothing happened after you spank her and do NOT do anything "nice" for her - whether she's feeling remorseful (you'll just mess up the authority and "uh oh" you've built) or, especially, if it was a bad session and she's feeling resentful (that's just going to add insult to inury!). This mental "space" takes time to build. Just as if you were building a trust in a new friendship. Only consistency and continuation can create it.
It will vary from brat to brat - just as we have differing tastes in food we have differing tastes in what makes us feel like bad, slutty little girls that need to be taken in hand ... a lot.
I can only speak to what works for me (as did just this morning, thank you very much!) but you can tailor your brat's needs by first speaking to her and asking her what makes her feel remorseful vs. resentful during a spanking; and, next, by working hard to attain that environment in your every interaction.
 |
| Yup, this is what remorse looks like! |
Not only will your every single effort at taming and creating the environment that is most conducive for YOU be built upon and beneficial, but, trust me, she will very soon be wanting *other* things from you - things that will let you know how very much your attention (and provision of the one thing she cannot get anywhere else), is appreciated.
REAL Punishment Spankings vs. General Lifestyle
General lifestyle environment means nurturing that receptive state of remorse for your rules and discipline. Without having done this first, real punishments can be trust breaking and will generate exceptional resentment.
If you're going to undertake the responsibility of behavior change for real then take the time to create the environment that is most conducive to the reception of those lessons, first.
When she's earned a REAL punishment then, clearly, she has no say in when it happens, how bare, what position, how long, with what, etc. It should be sharper and more to the point than any other kind of spanking.
Develop an environment in which she's receptive to your disciplinary efforts and can RESPECT them because they garner the result they're intended (here, genuine remorse and real catalytic tears, acceptance and behavior change).
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| I'd venture to say no resentment here - just remorse! |
How?
- By ensuring your maintenance spankings, re-focus sessions, attitude adjustments, etc., take the time to layer (which I learned the beautiful benefit of this morning),
- Say the things that make her feel deserving of that session/training/lesson, etc. - If you DON'T and spank her anyway she'll resent the pain you inflict rather than it being a tool she can use to stay in the state you want her in. There are key phrases all brats need to hear but mostly, and if I can be honest here, we don't CARE how YOU like an implement, we don't care if YOU think a good spanking is what we need, etc. We care that WE have earned it, that WE are so bad we need to not sit down for a week and our behinds are striped black and blue. We care that WE broke a rule and we deserve every bit of what we're about to get. We care that you're so angry about our behavior you call us "_________ little ___________" --- ALL we care about ... is "uh oh".
- Don't be afraid to spank to tears but never think it's okay to get there because you've spanked too hard instead of too well.
Hopefully, this post will help you with more of the Psychology of YOUR brat ~ it is ALWAYS what you say and how you say it that will determine whether or not you get the results you want.
~xo
